I wish I could give you a simple list of the resolutions I’d like to accomplish this year, but the truth is I can’t.
I really don’t know if my heart is equipped to handle what’s coming for me this year. In the past few years I have really tapped into my inner voice and my intuitive thoughts speak louder. I can hear God clearer now more than ever. And for some reason He is telling me to sit back, continue to plant seeds and wait.
I don’t know how and I don’t know why or where the fruit will come from but I can already smell it.
I can’t give a simple list of new years resolutions for 2014 because I believe they are already being fulfilled for me.
I’m going to be honest (like I usually am anyway) I don’t have a ton of money. As you can see on my channel I don’t flaunt designer handbags or shoes. I have nice things that I’ve been fortunate enough to provide for myself every so often through saving and budgeting. I’m not sure why there is this mystical magical rumor that gives people the impression that if you are a “youtube guru” you have a 6 figure income with benefits. Now, of course that is the case for some successful people on YouTube, but not for us all. I still have to work a 9-5, or a side hustle as I like to call it, just like the rest of you. For me that is where makeup comes in. And you know what? I work my butt off just to make sure my bills are paid on time every single month just like everyone else, and it’s not an easy task!
Today is Christmas Eve and I had to work. Well I didn’t really HAVE to. I chose to and I loved it! Call me strange but everyday I fall more and more in love with what I do. I get to wake up every single morning and do exactly what I want to do, even if it means sacrificing steady income to allow my dream to flourish and grow. The journey as a makeup artist has been the toughest, scariest, and riskiest decision I have made to date and I couldn’t be happier to do this. That is a life resolution in itself.
You guys don’t understand when I tell you that nobody took me serious growing up. Pursuing a career as an artist is almost something to be laughed to some Nigerians. They expect more of you, and much better. A doctor, a lawyer, pretty much anything in the medical field…but an artist? lol why?? They just don’t get it! I initially not only lacked the finances to pursue this career but also the emotional support. Often times from the people who were supposed to love and encourage me the most. But to continue to push through that and still be happy? Absolutely priceless.
I’ve lost some friends this year. Most of them by choice. I learned some hard lessons on trustworthiness, and keeping excess baggage this year. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back and say to someone “I love you, I appreciate the friendships we’ve had, but right now is not our season”. I’ve had to do that several times this year. No hard feelings, but people truly do have their seasons. Let them go to allow THEM to grow to and perhaps make better room for others in their own lives.
One friend, my longest friend to date, was killed in a car crash this year. She was my roommate and it hit me pretty hard. I can say that’s the biggest heartache I’ve experienced in my life ever. I tend to deal with things emotionally months later on, sometimes it takes a minute for things to really sink in. So for it to be that heavy then says a lot. To the person responsible for the accident: there is a special place for people who drive under the influence. I’m not really sure where, but I hope you find whatever it was missing in your heart to be so careless and irresponsible. It’s not fair that she’s not here anymore but I can imagine wherever she is now is far better than what we have here on earth. I’m just glad that at one point God decided he was going to make the two of us friends. That in itself is an indescribable blessing.
Ok, I had to take a break and regroup. Woosah Jackie…
Many of you know that I just recently graduated from the Cosmetology program at Sassoon Academy. But that almost didn’t happen. As if I wasn’t already struggling, when my friend passed away it only made matters worse. I owed my school money for the time I had taken off. If I didn’t pay it, no diploma simple as that. I had already invested TOO much to get into and attend school. And of course I considered every single possible outlet and option (even becoming a stripper LOL just kidding sort of) but I finally broke down, swallowed my HUGE Leo pride and admitted to my YouTube family that I needed help and this one was out of my hands. Before I knew it, donations and fundraising came from my elementary school teachers, to strangers in other countries that I had never even met. I can’t explain to you what that experience was for me. I fundraised $2,000 in 3 days because of you, my family and friends. I actually had to ask that people stop donating because they still wanted, insisted on giving and helping. That is a type of unconditional kindness and love that keeps me going when others say I shouldn’t. Yes it was hard and embarrassing asking for help but the moment I got an overwhelming amount of support from my peers (other youtubers) I knew I was going to be okay. And of course, people talked about it and were upset. They have that right. But it did not bother me. People will talk about you when you are close to perfect too so naysayers have no voice when you are doing what you need to do to accomplish something. People questioned me and my motives and my character and even if I responded with respect they still had negative things to say. That says more of their own character than mine. And at the end of the day I still got to graduate.
My best friend found Christ and was baptized this year. Seriously the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me and it’s not even mine to claim!
Another incredibly awesome thing that happened this year was rekindling my relationship with my dad!!! I mean what more is there to say about that really?
Ok and on an even more personal note last year I took a vow of singleness for one year. And I did it this year!! I completely, 100% went cold turkey on dating, mingling, and anything of that nature to completely focus on school. It required a lot of discipline and prayer. That is the absolute best way to learn more about yourself. Freeze off from dating totally. And please believe me when I say this, I do NOT miss dating. lol No lie. Okay naturally of course single people get lonely every so often, that goes without saying. but I do love love love seeing other people in happy, healthy relationships. I love that for them. I do not have feelings of vain or jealousy at all when it comes to seeing other couples be happy and getting married and/or engaged. This year I have just grown somewhat……..dare I say SELFISH with my time. Because it’s valuable and you don’t get that back. I know I have amazing things to offer, and if you and I aren’t reading the same chapter as me it’s time for you to find another book. Point blank period. in dating, and in friendships. So until then I will continue to enjoy my season because I feel like this right here is rare. I have the rest of my life to spend my life with Him so I am absolutely in no rush. If anything I am enjoying it while it lasts!
I don’t really think it’s appropriate to talk about your sex life (or lack thereof) but many of you can take a gander at what this ring represents. The two year mark will be approaching soon.
I finally found a new church I can call MY home again this year. And I have had the pleasure of getting to know some amazing, beautiful girls of the Saddleback Church community this year. Trying to follow Jesus Christ without having a church family or support system would be like trying to pass the LSATS without studying. It’s just not going to happen.
This year I have found strength and discipline in places I didn’t know I had them.
This year I have found comfort and contentment in myself without the help of anyone else.
This year I have learned the benefits of serving others.
This year I CHOSE to be happy. Each and every single day making it a conscious effort to be happy where I am right now, despite struggle, losses and some pain. I anticipate what is to come because I know it’s going to be ginormous, but what little I have right now is just as valuable. It’s just as golden. This is priceless.
This year I have grown much closer to my YouTube family, (more than you guys will ever know and understand!)
This year I have fallen in love with my passion all over again.
This year I am much better prepared and equipped to move onto future love and relationships.
This year represented planting seeds.
But next year, I’ll be ready to bare fruit.
God bless you all.